“Almost” never counts.
There’s no easy way to share difficult moments in our lives, especially now in the era of over sharing for clout, but it also doesn’t help to hide miracles + lessons. If you know me, you know I was never like this. You could never get so much vulnerability out of me. That’s exactly why I’m sharing a very small window to the wildest, most humbling lesson I’ve learned and the knowledge gained from it.
Please note: This isn’t some “come to Jesus” post, it’s a story of a genuine encounter with the end of “Life” itself + how my views, habits and world shifted.
I guess I should share a few things about the apocalypse, a car accident that happened on Jan 1, 2022 at 3am and ended in a week-long hospital stay. My entire family was out of the country + my best friend, who was in Lebanon at the time did an incredible job at helping me communicate my needs to the hospital since I was going unheard.
For update purposes: yes, the other two passengers are doing great, but I’m no longer in contact with either bc we don’t really know people until we meet their darkness + I’m good on that.
No grimey details because most of you have seen the images of the car and foot. I shattered my heel trying to get out of the car that was stuck in a swampy canal. They put a metal plate + 10 screws in my foot to try + put it back. What you probably didn’t know was the abdominal contusion + rib fracture that contributed to months of difficult breathing + sleepless nights. I’ve tried to document/share my healing, mainly how I started walking again in April 2022. WHAT A LESSON. Didn’t have that in my bingo card this year, learning to walk again days before my 30th.
Y’all, my mental health hadn’t been in the best place to begin with because my granma passed two weeks prior, y'all know THEE granma I was close to. So to add my own physical survival pushed me over the edge. There really was a time period I was beyond depressed + I did NOT care about making money, me..not caring about funds..unheard of. I went from being outside 18hrs of the day + being only one week per month in Miami, to being at home bed ridden for months. IDC how strong you are, that drastic change will phucc with ANYBODY, my company, Mayhem Project, definitely suffered.
I say this like it’s been a quick thing, but it hasn’t. It hasn't even been a year yet. I am very lucky to have a strong support system, have the opportunity to take care of myself + those I impacted because of this. After a time of isolation, I can finally say I found peace + total freedom in rebirth. I’m grateful to acknowledge + accept that I still have life. Truly, as corny as that sounds, life literally changes in seconds, don’t wait until you’re at the last 5 to make some shit shake.
Nothing has been the same, intentionally. I dismantled every area of my life + gutted every self-serving person out of my circle. I needed to find myself again. I truly appreciate every connection made since this life-changing moment. There is clarity in absence + distance. Some people that I considered friends + family showed me it was just business. Some people asked “What Happened?” Before asking about my health + well-being. Then there are others that checked in + checked out. Everything spoke loud + super clear, that was a gift too.
We have to be good friends in order to have good friends + that speaks volumes of how my life was moving. However, since accountability exists, we all get to do better. Those of you that have been incredibly gracious, attentive + all around wonderful, I’ll never forget the compassion + kindness shown by your hearts. I'm amazed at how love really moves. I’ve cemented “gratitude” as a pillar in my life because one thing is to have a blessing + another is to know you are blessed.
TODAY: How I’ve chosen to Heal + Evolve
Listen, thank god I was prepared for the emergency financially, whoever said money isn’t essential is a LIAR. I also was able to find a therapist that has helped me navigate very turbulent waters + guide me towards a peaceful flow, she led me back to myself. But an improved version.
Since it took me 6 months to get back to myself + I’ve been in a healthy place to work, produce + create, I’ve made sure that every project I’m involved with is intentional + that it teaches me something just as much as I am able to give it life. I’ve cemented in me that growth should be mutual. You cannot claim to be great if you are the only person in your team shining. Even as a solo entrepreneur, those who you collab with need to be just as intentional as you. This is how sturdy foundations are built.
Every single project that I have now is a product of that same love I was shown when I most needed it. The women behind the brands are not only directly involved in my healing, but also, they are inspirations to me because they believed in something I could not see in a time of darkness
I’m fully dedicated to being fertile soil for everyone I am involved with. This includes updating/strengthening my network, habits, beliefs, etc. to build my new reality consciously. If I say I’m doing FROM love, then I’m doing this because it’s character based. I’m not new to hard work, dedication or ambition. This new phase of my life was to be taken seriously + literal.
I hope reading this helps you see that no matter if you feel like all odds are against you, the last thing you do is give up. Fight back + stand firm for yourself, because you deserve just as much a shot as anyone + because life is incredibly fragile. Don’t let self-sabotage get in the way of greatness. You are not your fears, you are what you give + accomplish.
